Today I want to share with you a "real" life moment in our family's lives. I normally share with you all quilting projects, farm related post or maybe a recipe but today will be a little different. If you have ever been deeply hurt by a Christian friend this may (or may not) be helpful to you.
A few months ago our entire family was effected by the reactions, words and actions of a long time friend and several members of their family. We have known each other for a long time and bonded in friendship years ago as well as attended the same church. Christians are not perfect. Right? I am bound to Christ Jesus as my Lord and Savior but I know that I am a miserable sinner only saved by Grace. As are my friends, I mean, I guess we are still friends.
Something happened between our families, something harsh. I will not go into all of the details because that is not my purpose in sharing today. I have loved these people for years. I longed for a friendship with this person for a while, and one day (many years ago) we did develop a friendship that ended up being very sisterly like. Even though some very harsh things took place, accusations were spoken about one of my family members, deceptive behavior that portrayed friendship, acceptance and egging on of a particular situation only to reveal later that it was all backwards and then later some very cruel accusations were spoken. OK. I know all of that probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Let me just say, my family has been effected by this in some most hurtful ways. I decided early on that I still loved these people very much. After all, we are all fallen people saved by grace. First I was terribly confused, terribly. My first reaction was that I wanted to forgive. I forgave. I am continuing to work on forgiving. Since I am being very transparent with you, I must confess that on some days I feel such hurt and pain as do my other family members that I am not sure how we will ever get past this. I continued to send text messages and commented on FB post as I normally would have - until just this past week when I got an error message stating that I had been BLOCKED from sending text messages or calling this line. I am sure you can imagine how heart broken I was. I mean, if anyone should be blocking anyone it should be me - that is me just being honest. Of course blocking never even occurred to me, never crossed my mind. And since I have now been blocked it is apparent to me that they wish to have nothing to do with me or my family and I can't imagine that they would be interested in reading our family blog either.
I am a Christian and I am human. I am sure you can imagine the pain and shock that I was going through when I sent a text that got a return message automatically stating my text couldn't go through. I immediately chose to try and understand. I started to work out reasons why this might have had to take place. No one ever asked me not to continue to converse with them. I went from mostly being at peace, trusting God that He would work things out for the good of all involved to being confused, a bit angry - OK, a lot angry to back now trusting God in all of this. I am even beginning to come to a place of praising Him in the midst, trusting that He has worked it out for the best of what concerns our family members. It is not easy but I want to walk in peace, I want to give up trying to figure this crazy mess out and on some days I do better than others. It is a daily decision.
I will not lie, this dear family is on my heart and mind every single day. Some who read this may say, whoa, that is a problem. Maybe. I believe that I am called to forgiveness maybe reconciliation wont come- that I am not sure of just yet, but forgiveness is what I am called to and with me renewing my mind every day before Christ I am able. It is only when I get distracted, allow words I read or heard replay in my mind that I get off track. One of these family members at one point during all of this told me that even believers would be at each others throats based on prophecy - well not this believer. For me that is just not acceptable.
No matter how much pain, hurt, suffering we walk through, whether it be from an unbeliever or a believer the only way to make it through to the other side is with Christ by our sides. How other do we get through such turbulent times? I ask you, how? Find someone who you can count on to turn you back to Christ and His promises when you are in need of refocusing when you are struggling. My someone has been an reflection of the Rock to me, encouraging me and pointing me back when I get off track.
I suppose I find myself with a sorrowful heart but continuing to keep rejoicing in my spirit. I have to believe that He (God) has allowed these actions to take place to reveal things that would have otherwise been unknown. Honestly, since this family will not converse with ours, I have to really trust my heart to seek Him to understand. I realize that hearts are deceitful above all and I also realize that understanding may never come. I don't know how this part of the chapter in our lives will end. I can't begin to tell you what will change in our lives because we make vows not to do.. dot, dot, dot ... based on our hurts. I can't being to tell you how it is that God will use this because we will choose well and not make those vows. I would hope and do pray that at some point the wounds and scars that have been made will receive a healing balm to bring full cleansing. It may be that an apology will come or an explanation or it may be that neither will never come. Either way we have to choose for it to be well with our soul.
This is what I want me, my husband and two wonderful young men to experience....
I will not quote scriptures that have ministered to and spoken to our hearts during this time, for I know that as you seek God , He will be faithful to speak to you personally as well. If you are walking through a similar situation, it is my hope that you too will be able to daily say, It is well with my soul!
